Moving away from the idea of managing stress

The game treasure hunt was likely inspired by our obsession with managing stress. The wave of emotions that rises with our excitement of finding the clue, and dips while pulling ourselves together, to focus on solving the clue, depicts the journey of stress management. But there is a small difference, managing stress is a journey that offers no clues, and is often a digression.

As a situation steers away from the ordinary, stress courses through our blood as a reasonable by-product, sometimes with a ferocity that it blurs the goal of steering the situation back to its normal path. Found in such a situation, the idea of managing stress can hijack the primary objective, and spend inordinate amount of time dealing with the by-product: stress.

I am accustomed to finding the keys to my house in the right-pocket of my jeans. The act of reaching inside the pocket and pulling out the keys is now a muscle memory, I don’t have to think about retrieving them while I am waiting at the door. But when I fail to find my keys where I expect them to be, I am forced to confront the situation which is out of the ordinary. And thereafter the time spent waiting at the door is measured in stress.

But in the face of this mounting stress, the objective of opening the door, and getting inside the house, cannot be sidestepped by the desire to manage stress.

Stress is a product of complex neural and biochemical activities, which impairs our ability to think rationally, and leaves us alone with our instincts to guide us. And therefore any quest of undoing stress would mean waiting for the stress causing chemicals to go down to their normal levels. But we are not trained to stop and wait just because we are stressed; It is hard to abandon the objective.

What causes stress?

Stress is born through a communication between two glands in our body…the pea-size gland found in the brain, called pituitary gland, releases a hormone that instructs adrenal gland to produce cortisol. Stress is cortisol. Our brain initiates this conversation between glands whenever we encounter undesired situations, or whenever our brain is occupied with distasteful thoughts.

Our relationship with stress begins in the womb. Growing up, before we could understand the distressing outcomes of stress, we develop an attitude towards stress; everyone uniquely reacts to stressful situations: when we have the keys to the door but are unable to open it, some twist the key by jamming it hard and break it; some wiggle it until they feel the key is correctly lodged in the keyhole (and have fun while at it); and some reach out for the spare after a few failed attempts.

It is easy to think that the rage in some, who break their keys, is a reaction to the cortisol coursing through their blood-the breaking of the key can be the result of acting impulsively. But it is hard to tell whether cortisol causes the rage, or it is the rage that instigates cortisol production.

“The truth is that nobody is in charge. It is the hardest thing for human beings to get used to, but the world is full of intricate, cleverly designed and interconnected systems that do not have control centres.”

-Matt Ridley

Loose ends of managing stress

Stress is omnipresent, and it never stops recurring because life is not predictable. Stress does not manifest itself through invariable outcomes. Therefore, the idea of managing stress is comforting, because it talks about controlling something that is random and unpredictable.

When we don’t know the answer to the question: “Why am I stressed?” our efforts of managing stress try to make peace with something that may not hold the answer. The idea of managing stress sticks to us because it helps us ignore our ignorance about the complexities of stress.

When a situation grows foreign, the unfamiliarity can be threatening, and through stress the mind tries to ready us for flight or fight. And we can agree that increased heartbeat, dilated pupils, and sweaty hands make us vigilant and can help in circumventing a dangerous situation.

Most lessons on managing stress are about restoring our calm in stressful situations, but cortisol, once in action, is hard to voluntarily regulate. Hence our attitude towards stress must remain one of coping because the reaction to the stress can be managed, not the stress.

Prevention trumps treatment

The right time to think about stress is when we are not stressed. The goal is to change our attitude towards stress; to accept that once we are dosed with cortisol, the hormone changes us; to understand that we need to learn how it changes us so that we can adapt to these changes.

Jordan Peterson who is a clinical psychologist, and has given more than hundred lectures on psychology, confesses that he is often nervous before his lectures, which are received by millions. Many comedians and performing arts artists experience the same. They are not free from stress despite being on the stage for more than hundred times, but they cope better with stress. They are skilled copers through experiences.

We have to cope and adapt to move ahead, to our objective, because the stress will run its natural course, and in that moment no amount of managing stress can drain cortisol from our blood (unless you are an enlightened being).

Faced with situations that are beyond our control, we need to understand and accept that It is ok to fail; it is ok to let go. The ego is unaware of the consequences of lugging stress and fear of failure, because of which the body suffers, especially the heart. The damage of protracted release of cortisol in blood, while enduring stress, outweighs whatever damage our failure can cause us.

“We grossly overestimate the length of the effect of misfortune on our lives.” Explains Nassim Taleb in his book The Black Swan.

“You think that the loss of your fortune or current position will be devastating, but you are probably wrong. More likely, you will adapt to anything, as you probably did after past misfortunes.”

-Nassim Taleb

The sweet sound of managing anything grips us. As humans we have an irresistible urge to control our surroundings, and others. And by viewing stress as an inconvenience, the idea of managing it sounds like a calibrated strategy. Paradoxically, this strategy sounds intuitive, and was probably conjured during a stressful situation. However, by studying stress, and how it affects our mind and body, we can guide our intuitions to equip us with better coping mechanisms and adaptive strategies. So that we can continue finding and solving clues by mitigating the overwhelming effects of stress.

Originally published at https://isflowing.com.